Things I've managed to live 34 years without knowing:

That if you tap on the touch-pad of your laptop, it performs the same action as clicking a mouse button. Yes, I DO realize that there are 'click' buttons beneath the touch-pad, but you can also tap the touch-pad itself, and it also acts as the click. Whoduhthunkit?

I also didn't know about the wondermous additional functionality of my toaster. You know how sometimes you'll make some toast without realizing that someone else has reset the darkness setting from 'Charred' to 'Barely Heated', and when your toast pops and you see what they've done, you huff a bit, and try to slam the toast back down for another round of heat, but it won't let you - it does that ERRRRRRRRRRR sound that scares the crap outta you (kinda like when you forget that you've already started your car, and try to do it again, causing the most horrific and embarrassing of sounds that makes everyone within a 600-foot radius whip their heads around and how they just INSIST on shaking their stupid heads at your idiocy? Yeah - like that) Well - my brilliant self had NO idea that you can avoid that crunching electric sound by simply turning the darkness-setting-dial to a darker setting after the toast has popped, and VOILA, you can slam that badboy right back down for charred toast. Man, I just LOVE life!

No matter how bad or long or tiring my day at work has been, there is one thing that always makes me smile when I walk in the door and attempt to maneuver myself and all my carry-ons into the house: it's my dogs. They are always so ecstatic and just generally surprised that I came back that they can't contain themselves. And I don't travel, so it's reasonable to assume that they just saw me about 10 hours ago. Hell, I could have just run out to get something out of my car and come right back inside, and the reaction from my dogs is always the same:

*Always accompanied by much jumping, drooling, hopping in complete circles, growling at each other for getting closer to me than the other dog felt was appropriate, and just generally spasticness* "Ohhhh, you're here, you're HERE! You came BACK, you did! Ya didn't have to, and yet look at ya, LOOK at ya, yer right here, just for me!! You like me, you REALLY LIKE me!! Ohhhhh let me lick you.

Remember the pictures I posted where the dogs practically LIVED at the base of the fireplace, hoping and doggy-praying that they'd get a chance for a Squirrel Snack? Well they've given up. I, however, am now beside myself with irritation at this freakin' beast. And I am no longer convinced that it's actually a squirrel in there...I'm beginning to think it's a wolf...or at the very least an obese racoon. NO squirrel can make this. much. noise. We live in a split-level home, which means the living room ceiling is sloped. The damned thing starts at the back of the house and marches down the roof, pushing things that sound like entire trees in front of him. He then flings the log into the fireplace and dive-bombs himself in after it. And it doesn't end there. No, no. THEN he has to LAND on the metal frame at the base, scaring the SHIT out of me. I swear - you would think the bruises would get to him eventually...why the idiot won't find someplace else LESS steep and fall-prone is just beyond my comprehension.

Recently a man wrote to me praising my site, TOTALLY making my day. The subject line of his email was "I think I'm in love" - of course he meant in love with the site, not me, but George was being a snotface and making fun of me for some mishap of mine or another, and so I had to point out to him that Random Internet Guy said HE loves me. Wanna know his response? Do ya? COURSE ya do:

George: "Yeah - tell him to live with you for a year."

Gracie: "You are so mean!"

George: "Yeah, but i crack myself up."

Gracie: *sounds of gracie typing*

George: "Quit writing everything I say!!"

I'm sure you can imagine how much fun it is to live with us. George makes fun of me...I write about him...ahhhh, the bliss.

There was some tragedy in Atlanta recently. I don't even remember what it was. But I *DO* remember what the ignorant asshead chief of police said to the reporter, oh yes indeedy. He said "Even though it may cause them some uncomfortness, i thinks it's for the best."

Uncomfortness. Well...at least we can rest easy knowing that the man in charge of the men & women protecting us is such a genius.

Someone Arrived Here Searching For: yahtzee burger song [Ed. Note: Now THIS is a game I HAVE to play!]

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