Scene opens: baby is sleeping face-down on George’s chest. I am quietly working on my computer on the other side of the room. Suddenly I hear a noise and realize that he’s been trying to get my attention.
George: *whisper yells* “psst!!”
Gracie: *whisper yells* “yeah?”
George: *still whisper yelling* “She’s got one finger? In my BELLY BUTTON!!”
Gracie: *Snorts water through her nose and cracks RIGHT up*
Baby: “Waaaaaaaahhhh!”
~G.
I understand that this is a very VERY old news story, but I just heard about it for the first time last night from George, who not only had ME laughing hysterically, but laughed hysterically in the telling of it.
Now, before you read this, please promise me that you will picture it—in vivid detail—and not just in the “observer” role, but also in the “what if *I* were the gorilla” role, as well. And you woke up to find…the following:
===============
Newswire Item 3/2/94:
A hunter in Uganda is being sought by local authorities for illegally hunting gorillas. He shoots them with a tranquilizer gun and dresses them in clown suits. So far six (6) gorillas have been found wandering around in this condition.
A Ugandan spokesman stated that this was a person with a truly sick sense of humor. They felt this was a cruel practice, since they had to tranquilize the gorillas again to take the suits off!
===============
~G.
[13:40] George:: creepy yucky… Click Here. (yes, it’s safe for work)
[13:42] Gracie:: WHY!?!?!?!
[13:42] George:: I warned you…
[13:42] Gracie:: not sufficiently
[13:42] George:: What part did you not get? the creepy or the yucky?
[13:43] George:: I didn’t think EW covered it properly
[13:43] Gracie:: neither were sufficient to warn my stomach and goose pimple reflex of what i was about to witness.
[13:43] George:: I’m sorry. In the future what method would you prefer, keeping in mind that short videos of me dancing around like a ‘tard who has to pee is not an option.
[13:44] Gracie:: it’s the latter. DEFINITELY the latter.
[13:45] George:: OK, remember it is NOT an option.
[13:45] Gracie:: sure it is
[13:46] George:: nope
[13:46] Gracie:: um…YES
[13:46] Gracie:: in fact, i think you should perform said dance, just to keep limber and in practice, each night before bed.
[13:46] Gracie:: (and possibly each morning before we leave for work.)
[13:47] George:: Um… no
[13:47] Gracie:: oh but yes
[13:48] Gracie:: don’t fight it. you know you’d be great at it.
[13:48] Gracie:: in fact, i’m picturing it right now…and y’know what?
[13:48] Gracie:: I’m RIGHT
[13:48] George:: nope, you = wrong
[13:48] Gracie:: no no
[13:48] Gracie:: you said the other night i was right
[13:48] Gracie:: that remains true
[13:48] Gracie:: forever more
[13:49] George:: ha
[13:49] Gracie:: i’m glad you agree.
Notice he didn’t reply.
For the rest of the day. 
~Gracie
An email conversation between me and my mother this morning. Note that I felt the need to copy pretty much everyone in our family on this, because…well…not only do I find the dream funny, but I felt they would too and, since we have some pretty funny peeps in my family, the comments would likely be pretty funny, as well. Little did I know. Mom responded first and cracked me up with her reply. Go mom! (I’ll post other replies later, as I get them.)
From: Gracie
Date: Mon, Apr 19, 2010 at 11:22 AM
To: Gracie’s MomHi mom! Hope you’re doing well and that you had a good weekend. Hope also that dad gave you your pants back. I gave them to him on Friday at lunch. Also, I meant to call and tell you: I had a dream about you over the weekend. I dreamt that we were both pregnant (yes, me AND you) and your baby was delivered first (in the restaurant of a casino that they built on [local road that SOOO wouldn’t have a casino], naturally) and? It was a black baby. But wait, there’s more. And it had a full-on afro. Also a deformed head (it was ginormous…as in twice the size of a little person’s head / roughly the size of a REEEEALLY smart alien’s head). And I was trying to hold it and be gentle, but its head was sooo heavy and wobbly that I was worried it would topple over onto the restaurant floor and I’d break your black baby.
Nope, no drugs. That’s aaaalll meeeee!
Luhjoo!
Signed,
Does This Make Me A Racist?
———-
From: Gracie’s Mom
Date: Mon, Apr 19, 2010 at 11:35 AM
To: GracieI guess it’s time to tell you all……. It wasn’t a dream, honey, it was a memory. Yes, I had an affair with a black alien and got knocked up higher than a kite. He took the little big headed “baby” back home with him and I felt good that I had contributed to the saving of their humanity (all their women defected to another planet). He had the power to erase your memory, or so he told me. I thought my secret was safe. I suppose some of the rest of you will start remembering soon, too. Please don’t judge me harshly, I felt at the time it was the honorable thing to do. (And he did have some very attractive attributes).
I hope you can forgive me.
Mom
Hee. She = funny (fast, too! I got this less than 15 minutes after sending it out).
~G.
If y’all wouldn’t mind, some time before noon on Friday, April 16 (EST), please take two seconds to go vote for Camryn in the Star94 Baby Idol contest (and vote her a 10 if you would!). If we win, she gets a free month of day care and I’m sure anyone can appreciate that sort of benefit! And with the $250 grocery gift card that accompanies it? I’ll have a pool party and whoever voted can come have a drink on me!
[Update: link deleted due to our portion in the contest having ended, as well as the shocking realization that some parents were voting other kids as zero to boost their own kids in the ratings. This means that some--sorry, but...--fugly kids (and even a few pictures of kids who DIDN'T EVEN HAVE HEADS) are prettier than our child. That's right. Pictures of kids whose heads aren't even visible made it into the 2nd round of voting. Snort. Check back later when I actually post some of them.]
Thanks a million!
~Gracie
